starting point

Things are starting to get better. The depression started lifting on its own last week. I went to the gym three times last week and did step aerobics/walking for an hour each time. It had a significant effect on my mood, but not my energy level.

I spent the weekend in bed again, but was miserable doing it. I wanted out so badly. I think I had the energy to get out, and I knew I needed to run some errands and clean house and pay bills, but there was something stopping me. I don't know how to explain it, but I feel like part of my brain(slash-)soul has been paralyzed from a pseudo stroke. There's always the possibility of getting better, but I need the right treatment in order to exercise my way there slowly. I don't know what all those steps entail and I don't know where to look. All I know is that more than any of the other bullship in my life - my weight depresses me the most.

Yesterday I went to a medical weight loss clinic. I spent $105.00 dollars (only paid my co-pay) and walked out with Phentermine, Chromium Picolinate, Fish Oil tabs and a multi-vitamin. I had the option of paying an even more ridiculous amount for HCG, but after doing some research online, I have concluded it's nothing more than a low calorie diet with psychosomatic results.

I was prescribed 37.5mg of Phentermine and told to take 1/2 at 10am and 1/2 at 2pm. I took one that morning and to tell you the truth, the only thing I really felt was happy. I felt a sense of "happiness" within 10 minutes. I didn't feel jittery or like I had a rush of energy...just "happy".

I took it again today - same effect. I struggled with hunger though, but came out at 830 calories and burned 536 at the gym. I went to Cato's after the gym for a return and then to the grocery store. I didn't overdo it at the grocery store and came home and ate some broccoli/carrot coleslaw. I had to fight off hunger pangs, but used them as motivation (when I get into restrict mode, I get addicted to that feeling).

I took my melatonin at 10:45 and haven't been able to shut my mind off. Insomnia is a side effect.

I thought I'd post an entry to try and shut my mind off.

I found out today that I won't start my new position until the end of Sept. or beginning of Oct. I'm tired of where I am currently, but this gives me six weeks to lose weight! I can take back some of the expensive fat clothes I bought a couple of weeks ago!!!!

I'm setting a goal of losing 25lbs in six weeks. That's a little more than 4lbs per week. I think if I can stick to restricting and working out, it can be done. I'm only going to do cardio and no weights. I want to be in a size 14 when I start my new position.