Today I weighed in at 162. I've officially lost 30lbs in 2 months. I can no longer wear my 18's - I can't even get by with them...they fall off. I'm pulling out old clothes left and right. I spent all day Saturday shopping.
I fully realize that I'm not even half way to my goal (125); however, I'm close to half way and I feel like a different person.
I even have a crush that I'm trying to keep under control - i.e. realistically tell myself that nothing will ever come of it so stop your pining and prevent your own future heartache.
I weighed in and measured at the gym on Saturday. Since May 2009, I've lost 43lbs and 51.25 inches. I had to add the numbers twice!
I'm keeping my calories under 500 as much as possible. I'm for sure not allowing myself to go over 800 on "eat out to fit in" days. I'm working out 4 times a week. I'm feeling great and starting to feel pretty. I find myself smiling and feeling more outgoing. The anger and bitterness is starting to go back into their hole.
I'm on my way to feeling like living again. It's about time.
Showing posts with label calories. Show all posts
Showing posts with label calories. Show all posts
Monday, October 18, 2010
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Numbers Game
I weighed in this morning at 166.8! F*ck Yeah! I had my morning vegetarian saugage, then an apple and organic mozzarella cheese stick for lunch. Went to the gym after work and did step aerobics. I couldn't help but notice that my workout pants were loose. Once again I say, "F*ck Yeah!"
I got home and Mom had made me a vegetarian chick pattie and had broccoli, cauliflower and some carrots ready to stir fry. She also sliced an avocado. It irritated me b/c she nuked the pattie so it was tough and I had no desire to stir fry the veggies. I didn't ask her to cook for me, and while it's sweet of her, she's a terrible cook and her food shows her disdain for cooking.
Mom was in the shower when I got home so I took a bite of broccoli and poured the rest of the food (sans the expensive avocado) down the disposal. I put the avocado back in the fridge. It feels so good to eat less than 300 calories in a day and to know that I burned more than that working out. I love this sense of control. I love seeing results.
It's finally happening for me and it's about f*cking time.
I got home and Mom had made me a vegetarian chick pattie and had broccoli, cauliflower and some carrots ready to stir fry. She also sliced an avocado. It irritated me b/c she nuked the pattie so it was tough and I had no desire to stir fry the veggies. I didn't ask her to cook for me, and while it's sweet of her, she's a terrible cook and her food shows her disdain for cooking.
Mom was in the shower when I got home so I took a bite of broccoli and poured the rest of the food (sans the expensive avocado) down the disposal. I put the avocado back in the fridge. It feels so good to eat less than 300 calories in a day and to know that I burned more than that working out. I love this sense of control. I love seeing results.
It's finally happening for me and it's about f*cking time.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
hunger schmunger
Last week's goals:
I completed four 1hr workouts (Tue, Wed, Fri, Sat)
I didn't make 180 by Monday...came in at 181.2 so I lost 4.6lbs instead of 5.0
I also didn't come in under 600 calories everyday last week:
Mon 9/6: 234
Tue 9/7: 359
Wed 9/8: 536
Thu 9/9: 648 *FAIL*
Fri 9/10: 787 *FAIL*
Sat 9/11: 559
I would give myself a B- for overall performance last week. Not too bad...worked out, restricted. You'd think I would've lost more than 4.6lbs??? I was hoping to lose 20lbs my first month. I'm still shooting for that and I think it's doable if my metabolism will cooperate. I need to remember to take the chromium picolinate in the afternoons with my 2nd dose of phentermine. If I don't make 20, I MUST lose at LEAST 15. That's absolutely doable.
I love the feeling of my stomach shrinking. I love putting on my "almost too tight fat pants" and feeling them being almost too loose to wear. That happened this morning. That feeling is addicting.
I saw a girl that works for a different agency yesterday who was morbidly obese (she was probably 250lbs+). She had lap-band surgery not too long ago and SHE LOOKS FREAKIN' AMAZING. Like a younger sister version of herself. That was really, really motivating. I'd love to run into people I went to school with who could barely recognize me. I want to make people's jaws drop. I want to turn heads. I use to do that. I miss that attention.
Next Week's Goals:
Calories under 600 (I've already gone over that Sunday & Monday, but made up for it today). Need to weigh in at 176 (that would be a 5lb loss this week). I just realized that to make 20lbs in 30 days, I would have to lose 11 lbs by 9/23/10. That's 10lbs in 11 days. At the rate I've been going, I'm not sure that's realistic, but maybe if I kick up the workouts. Workout 6 days.
I completed four 1hr workouts (Tue, Wed, Fri, Sat)
I didn't make 180 by Monday...came in at 181.2 so I lost 4.6lbs instead of 5.0
I also didn't come in under 600 calories everyday last week:
Mon 9/6: 234
Tue 9/7: 359
Wed 9/8: 536
Thu 9/9: 648 *FAIL*
Fri 9/10: 787 *FAIL*
Sat 9/11: 559
I would give myself a B- for overall performance last week. Not too bad...worked out, restricted. You'd think I would've lost more than 4.6lbs??? I was hoping to lose 20lbs my first month. I'm still shooting for that and I think it's doable if my metabolism will cooperate. I need to remember to take the chromium picolinate in the afternoons with my 2nd dose of phentermine. If I don't make 20, I MUST lose at LEAST 15. That's absolutely doable.
I love the feeling of my stomach shrinking. I love putting on my "almost too tight fat pants" and feeling them being almost too loose to wear. That happened this morning. That feeling is addicting.
I saw a girl that works for a different agency yesterday who was morbidly obese (she was probably 250lbs+). She had lap-band surgery not too long ago and SHE LOOKS FREAKIN' AMAZING. Like a younger sister version of herself. That was really, really motivating. I'd love to run into people I went to school with who could barely recognize me. I want to make people's jaws drop. I want to turn heads. I use to do that. I miss that attention.
Next Week's Goals:
Calories under 600 (I've already gone over that Sunday & Monday, but made up for it today). Need to weigh in at 176 (that would be a 5lb loss this week). I just realized that to make 20lbs in 30 days, I would have to lose 11 lbs by 9/23/10. That's 10lbs in 11 days. At the rate I've been going, I'm not sure that's realistic, but maybe if I kick up the workouts. Workout 6 days.
Friday, September 10, 2010
holy mother of hunger
The hunger has been really bad over the past two days. I don't know if the phentermine isn't working anymore, or if I'm just restricting so much when I'm use to eating 2000+ calories a day that it's starting to takes its toll.
Despite the hunger, I've stayed under 1000 calories. Yesterday I came in at 648 calories, but didn't work out. Fatigue has become a significant problem too. I feel like at any time during the day, I could lay down and fall fast asleep.
I'm proud of myself for fighting the fatigue and going to the gym after work tonight. I almost kept driving. I felt great on the elliptical and did 30 minutes. I use to be able to do 1hr. I did a little lower body circuit training too. I started to feel very lonely while I was at the gym. I thought how sad it was that here I am in my mid-thirties, alone on a Friday night at the gym. I tried to change my train of thought, but couldn't. I don't understand why I'm alone. I get that I'm fat, but there are a lot of fat girls who are in relationships...just not me.
My calories came in at 787 tonight. I'm too tired to keep writing.
Despite the hunger, I've stayed under 1000 calories. Yesterday I came in at 648 calories, but didn't work out. Fatigue has become a significant problem too. I feel like at any time during the day, I could lay down and fall fast asleep.
I'm proud of myself for fighting the fatigue and going to the gym after work tonight. I almost kept driving. I felt great on the elliptical and did 30 minutes. I use to be able to do 1hr. I did a little lower body circuit training too. I started to feel very lonely while I was at the gym. I thought how sad it was that here I am in my mid-thirties, alone on a Friday night at the gym. I tried to change my train of thought, but couldn't. I don't understand why I'm alone. I get that I'm fat, but there are a lot of fat girls who are in relationships...just not me.
My calories came in at 787 tonight. I'm too tired to keep writing.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
office luncheon spanked
The office luncheon came and went and never even tempted me. I allowed myself 5 almonds and passed up everything else, including the pasta salad that would be easy to "write off" as healthy even though I know I'm cutting out white flour right now.
There was some sort of cheese dish - never made me flinch. I had 1/2 of a grapefruit, 1/2 cucumber, 1 Roma tomato & 1/2 tbsp balsamic vinegar with water. Boom! Dear Office Luncheon...Suck it! Love, Maggie!
Now, tomorrow, meeting A & C at a salad/wrap restaurant. Not sure how I'll handle that. I'm thinking about making my own salad and asking for balsamic vinegar as dressing only...or maybe a fruit plate? Not sure.
The sky was gray and it rained all day. My energy was zapped, particularly when my dog woke me up in the middle of the night for no apparent reason. I pushed through the fatigue and worked out at the gym tonight.
I also saw 183 on the scale this morning AND tonight. 182...I need 182 to show up tomorrow! If I could be at 180 by Monday, I'd be THRILLED. I'm really hungry right now, but I don't care. I love seeing the pounds drop like they did when I was in my early 20's.
There was some sort of cheese dish - never made me flinch. I had 1/2 of a grapefruit, 1/2 cucumber, 1 Roma tomato & 1/2 tbsp balsamic vinegar with water. Boom! Dear Office Luncheon...Suck it! Love, Maggie!
Now, tomorrow, meeting A & C at a salad/wrap restaurant. Not sure how I'll handle that. I'm thinking about making my own salad and asking for balsamic vinegar as dressing only...or maybe a fruit plate? Not sure.
The sky was gray and it rained all day. My energy was zapped, particularly when my dog woke me up in the middle of the night for no apparent reason. I pushed through the fatigue and worked out at the gym tonight.
I also saw 183 on the scale this morning AND tonight. 182...I need 182 to show up tomorrow! If I could be at 180 by Monday, I'd be THRILLED. I'm really hungry right now, but I don't care. I love seeing the pounds drop like they did when I was in my early 20's.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
score today!!!
Restriction is in overdrive (for me at least) right now. Today's Kcals: 359. Kcals burned with step aerobics, upper body circuit and walking at the gym: 740. It feels so good to know I'm in control again. My Capri pants were loose when I put them on this morning - the only better feeling is getting into a smaller size.
I will be tested tomorrow b/c we're having an "office lunch". I hate these f*ckers with a passion. I work in an office of about 15 people. Each person brings enough crappy, fattening, starchy food to feed 10 people, which means theoretically 150 people could eat off of our 1 lunch.
Then, the secretaries will scrape every last sh*tty piece of food into a plastic container and jam up the refrigerator. Over the next 2-3 days, 5-8 different people will be sticking their unwashed hands in those containers to attempt to finish off the glutenous remains. When there's not enough left for 1 person to stuff their face, 1-2 tablespoons worth of food will sit in the containers rotting and waiting for ME to clean it out.
In the meantime, air doesn't circulate properly b/c there's too much food in the fridge, which means, those of us (ME) who bring fresh fruits & veggies will have frost bitten or unevenly refrigerated food.
It's so disgusting and wasteful that I refuse to participate in them any longer.
I think I'll take my car to be washed over lunch. That also serves as a middle finger to everyone for celebrating EVERY ONE'S birthday but mine. Ugh, I can't wait to start my new job next month.
And if I don't see 183 on the scales in the morning...I might become a danger to myself and/or others.
I will be tested tomorrow b/c we're having an "office lunch". I hate these f*ckers with a passion. I work in an office of about 15 people. Each person brings enough crappy, fattening, starchy food to feed 10 people, which means theoretically 150 people could eat off of our 1 lunch.
Then, the secretaries will scrape every last sh*tty piece of food into a plastic container and jam up the refrigerator. Over the next 2-3 days, 5-8 different people will be sticking their unwashed hands in those containers to attempt to finish off the glutenous remains. When there's not enough left for 1 person to stuff their face, 1-2 tablespoons worth of food will sit in the containers rotting and waiting for ME to clean it out.
In the meantime, air doesn't circulate properly b/c there's too much food in the fridge, which means, those of us (ME) who bring fresh fruits & veggies will have frost bitten or unevenly refrigerated food.
It's so disgusting and wasteful that I refuse to participate in them any longer.
I think I'll take my car to be washed over lunch. That also serves as a middle finger to everyone for celebrating EVERY ONE'S birthday but mine. Ugh, I can't wait to start my new job next month.
And if I don't see 183 on the scales in the morning...I might become a danger to myself and/or others.
Monday, September 6, 2010
labor day
Good day. Went shopping with Mom for the first time in a year. Felt judged at times - I feel a heaviness weigh down on my chest when this happens. We put together a Christmas wreath at Hobby Lobby toward the end of the day and it felt nice...very motherly-daughterly. Wish it could feel that way all of the time.
My denim carpi's were loose and I had to keep pulling them up - AWESOMENESS! For breakfast I had a Veggie Sausage Pattie and some watermelon. While we were out shopping, we stopped at Sonic. Mom got a large order of fries. I got a diet limeade and that was it for the day! (didn't drink enough water though). Total calories for today: 234. My stomach feels so amazing empty - it feels flat. I love that feeling. I can get addicted to that feeling.
Tomorrow it's back to the gym.
My denim carpi's were loose and I had to keep pulling them up - AWESOMENESS! For breakfast I had a Veggie Sausage Pattie and some watermelon. While we were out shopping, we stopped at Sonic. Mom got a large order of fries. I got a diet limeade and that was it for the day! (didn't drink enough water though). Total calories for today: 234. My stomach feels so amazing empty - it feels flat. I love that feeling. I can get addicted to that feeling.
Tomorrow it's back to the gym.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
saturday night success
I did it! I passed up two of my favorite comforts in the whole world - chips & dip and red wine (technically three comforts, but the chips & dip are kind of a paired match). I went to a game night at a friend of a friend's house around 8. I ate before hand at 5 (veggie "chik" pattie, 1/2 avocado & 1C green beans). The chips and dip were out on the table when I got there, along with some Cheez-Its (another favorite). Then two more people arrived with red wine and two party trays with cheese (my staple), veggies and ranch dip. Finally, the last person arrived with Chik-Fil-A (I don't eat meat, but the smell of Chik-Fil-A makes me salivate).
We were there playing games until 12:05am and all I had was water! That's right! Water!!!! H2O!!! Who am I? I even stopped at Taco Bell and ordered my Mom a crispy taco/sub beans for meat and didn't order anything for me.
Phentermine is my new hero (today I took 1/2 around 11am and another 1/2 around 3pm). It's 1:14 in the morning, however, and I'm not the least bit sleepy. I'm hoping journaling my success and then logging in the last of my calories on SparkPeople will calm me down.
Dear God, I love this stuff!!!!
We were there playing games until 12:05am and all I had was water! That's right! Water!!!! H2O!!! Who am I? I even stopped at Taco Bell and ordered my Mom a crispy taco/sub beans for meat and didn't order anything for me.
Phentermine is my new hero (today I took 1/2 around 11am and another 1/2 around 3pm). It's 1:14 in the morning, however, and I'm not the least bit sleepy. I'm hoping journaling my success and then logging in the last of my calories on SparkPeople will calm me down.
Dear God, I love this stuff!!!!
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