I finally weigh 140lbs - I've been stuck here for a while. My temper outbursts have caught up with me at work. Today I was berated by my boss who told me that when he hired me he thought I was a good person but now he's not so sure.
I am not a good person...I can barely fit into a size 6.
I accidentally threw away my phentermine last month with all of my Christmas bags. I've been without it since just after Christmas.
Binging and purging has increased significantly. I let myself binge and purge on 4 Hawaiann rolls - my face broke out.
I have worked so hard and I'm still fat, ugly and worthless. I'm lucky to still have a job.
I am not allowed more than 300 calories until after my weigh in on Monday.
I truly wish my suicide attempt had been successful.
Showing posts with label disgust. Show all posts
Showing posts with label disgust. Show all posts
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
score today!!!
Restriction is in overdrive (for me at least) right now. Today's Kcals: 359. Kcals burned with step aerobics, upper body circuit and walking at the gym: 740. It feels so good to know I'm in control again. My Capri pants were loose when I put them on this morning - the only better feeling is getting into a smaller size.
I will be tested tomorrow b/c we're having an "office lunch". I hate these f*ckers with a passion. I work in an office of about 15 people. Each person brings enough crappy, fattening, starchy food to feed 10 people, which means theoretically 150 people could eat off of our 1 lunch.
Then, the secretaries will scrape every last sh*tty piece of food into a plastic container and jam up the refrigerator. Over the next 2-3 days, 5-8 different people will be sticking their unwashed hands in those containers to attempt to finish off the glutenous remains. When there's not enough left for 1 person to stuff their face, 1-2 tablespoons worth of food will sit in the containers rotting and waiting for ME to clean it out.
In the meantime, air doesn't circulate properly b/c there's too much food in the fridge, which means, those of us (ME) who bring fresh fruits & veggies will have frost bitten or unevenly refrigerated food.
It's so disgusting and wasteful that I refuse to participate in them any longer.
I think I'll take my car to be washed over lunch. That also serves as a middle finger to everyone for celebrating EVERY ONE'S birthday but mine. Ugh, I can't wait to start my new job next month.
And if I don't see 183 on the scales in the morning...I might become a danger to myself and/or others.
I will be tested tomorrow b/c we're having an "office lunch". I hate these f*ckers with a passion. I work in an office of about 15 people. Each person brings enough crappy, fattening, starchy food to feed 10 people, which means theoretically 150 people could eat off of our 1 lunch.
Then, the secretaries will scrape every last sh*tty piece of food into a plastic container and jam up the refrigerator. Over the next 2-3 days, 5-8 different people will be sticking their unwashed hands in those containers to attempt to finish off the glutenous remains. When there's not enough left for 1 person to stuff their face, 1-2 tablespoons worth of food will sit in the containers rotting and waiting for ME to clean it out.
In the meantime, air doesn't circulate properly b/c there's too much food in the fridge, which means, those of us (ME) who bring fresh fruits & veggies will have frost bitten or unevenly refrigerated food.
It's so disgusting and wasteful that I refuse to participate in them any longer.
I think I'll take my car to be washed over lunch. That also serves as a middle finger to everyone for celebrating EVERY ONE'S birthday but mine. Ugh, I can't wait to start my new job next month.
And if I don't see 183 on the scales in the morning...I might become a danger to myself and/or others.
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