Today I weighed in at 162. I've officially lost 30lbs in 2 months. I can no longer wear my 18's - I can't even get by with them...they fall off. I'm pulling out old clothes left and right. I spent all day Saturday shopping.
I fully realize that I'm not even half way to my goal (125); however, I'm close to half way and I feel like a different person.
I even have a crush that I'm trying to keep under control - i.e. realistically tell myself that nothing will ever come of it so stop your pining and prevent your own future heartache.
I weighed in and measured at the gym on Saturday. Since May 2009, I've lost 43lbs and 51.25 inches. I had to add the numbers twice!
I'm keeping my calories under 500 as much as possible. I'm for sure not allowing myself to go over 800 on "eat out to fit in" days. I'm working out 4 times a week. I'm feeling great and starting to feel pretty. I find myself smiling and feeling more outgoing. The anger and bitterness is starting to go back into their hole.
I'm on my way to feeling like living again. It's about time.
Monday, October 18, 2010
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Numbers Game
I weighed in this morning at 166.8! F*ck Yeah! I had my morning vegetarian saugage, then an apple and organic mozzarella cheese stick for lunch. Went to the gym after work and did step aerobics. I couldn't help but notice that my workout pants were loose. Once again I say, "F*ck Yeah!"
I got home and Mom had made me a vegetarian chick pattie and had broccoli, cauliflower and some carrots ready to stir fry. She also sliced an avocado. It irritated me b/c she nuked the pattie so it was tough and I had no desire to stir fry the veggies. I didn't ask her to cook for me, and while it's sweet of her, she's a terrible cook and her food shows her disdain for cooking.
Mom was in the shower when I got home so I took a bite of broccoli and poured the rest of the food (sans the expensive avocado) down the disposal. I put the avocado back in the fridge. It feels so good to eat less than 300 calories in a day and to know that I burned more than that working out. I love this sense of control. I love seeing results.
It's finally happening for me and it's about f*cking time.
I got home and Mom had made me a vegetarian chick pattie and had broccoli, cauliflower and some carrots ready to stir fry. She also sliced an avocado. It irritated me b/c she nuked the pattie so it was tough and I had no desire to stir fry the veggies. I didn't ask her to cook for me, and while it's sweet of her, she's a terrible cook and her food shows her disdain for cooking.
Mom was in the shower when I got home so I took a bite of broccoli and poured the rest of the food (sans the expensive avocado) down the disposal. I put the avocado back in the fridge. It feels so good to eat less than 300 calories in a day and to know that I burned more than that working out. I love this sense of control. I love seeing results.
It's finally happening for me and it's about f*cking time.
Monday, October 11, 2010
160's!!!!
I hit 169.4 today. When I saw one-SIX-nine on the scale this morning, I can't begin to describe the feeling of euphoria. At the same time, I reminded myself that I got down to 167ish three years ago and was feeling good about myself and then saw a picture of me in my new clothes and the "happy weight loss" high immediately ended and I packed on the pounds again.
I'm trying to stay grounded. My eating has been good with the exception of a 1200 calorie day on Friday. I let myself have 1/2 a quesadilla & a small ceasar salad and then Mom made dinner w/refried beans (she bought them and of course she didn't get the fat free brand)...so, I would've stayed under 1000 if I could had control over my dinner that night.
Speaking of control - I would've been able to completely fast today if Mom hadn't asked me about dinner. She was in a mood where she would've been uncomfortably pissed if I had told her no thank you...so my calories came in under 300 today. I've had several less than 500 calorie days. I love those days - especially when I workout as well.
I'm in 14's now, though they are snug. I'm starting to see my old body again...I'm starting to feel pretty again.
I like my new job and the people I work with. I want to write about my "elevator encounter" and the "mis-sent text" but I'm too tired. I cleaned out my garage and two closets today. It's almost 11:30 and I should have been in bed an hour ago.
I'm trying to stay grounded. My eating has been good with the exception of a 1200 calorie day on Friday. I let myself have 1/2 a quesadilla & a small ceasar salad and then Mom made dinner w/refried beans (she bought them and of course she didn't get the fat free brand)...so, I would've stayed under 1000 if I could had control over my dinner that night.
Speaking of control - I would've been able to completely fast today if Mom hadn't asked me about dinner. She was in a mood where she would've been uncomfortably pissed if I had told her no thank you...so my calories came in under 300 today. I've had several less than 500 calorie days. I love those days - especially when I workout as well.
I'm in 14's now, though they are snug. I'm starting to see my old body again...I'm starting to feel pretty again.
I like my new job and the people I work with. I want to write about my "elevator encounter" and the "mis-sent text" but I'm too tired. I cleaned out my garage and two closets today. It's almost 11:30 and I should have been in bed an hour ago.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
when did i become such a b*tch
Today was my last day at work. I have a love/hate relationship with leaving. I need it and I hate it. My defenses were up. My period had its fangs out. A co-worker decided that I would choose where to have lunch instead of an office luncheon. This hurt the secretaries feelings b/c they luvs them sum luncheons and they wouldn't be able to leave all at once to go.
A distribution email went out and I was asked to choose the restaurant. I did and said we'd need to get a headcount for reservations. Four mother f*ckers responded...one of whom said they weren't sure if they could make it. Feelings, meet dagger...Dagger, lacerate feelings.
This morning, the same person sent out an email to everyone asking if anyone made reservations. It PISSED ME OFF. Someone please explain why this is so difficult? Why am I so goddamn unimportant that they can't plan one f*cking reservation for lunch?
That's when my blood started boiling. I could feel my face getting hot. The filter section of my brain was temporarily suspended and the b*tch took over. I did what I almost always regret doing... I hit REPLY ALL and I said what I was thinking...
"Of course not (referring to whether reservations had been made) and only four people responded. I have a huge schedule this morning so let's not even worry about it."
Slightly passive, mostly aggressive much?
I ended up not getting done with my work until 12:30 and everyone took the hint and had been waiting on me for about an hour or so. I only spent about 20-25 minutes at my lunch (which I didn't want in the first place). One person bought my lunch. There was a card with nice things that were said (mostly about my sense of humor). I went back to the office and tied up loose ends. I packed up my sh*t and got the hell out of there.
I didn't even tell my boss goodbye. When I end things, I end things. I said I'd be back and wouldn't stay away, but that's a lie. I start over about every two to three years. New job. New friends. New body. New life.
I can't get to sleep tonight and have taken 45mg of melatonin and 1 sominex. I'm hoping it will knock me out. I'm very anxious about starting over. I don't know where to park. I don't know what time to leave. I need gas in my car. I'm still fat. I don't know what I'm doing.
I hate my personality. I hate being such a b*tch. I don't know when it started...I've been this way (at least partially) since I was a little girl.
Will I ever establish roots and stay in one place?
A distribution email went out and I was asked to choose the restaurant. I did and said we'd need to get a headcount for reservations. Four mother f*ckers responded...one of whom said they weren't sure if they could make it. Feelings, meet dagger...Dagger, lacerate feelings.
This morning, the same person sent out an email to everyone asking if anyone made reservations. It PISSED ME OFF. Someone please explain why this is so difficult? Why am I so goddamn unimportant that they can't plan one f*cking reservation for lunch?
That's when my blood started boiling. I could feel my face getting hot. The filter section of my brain was temporarily suspended and the b*tch took over. I did what I almost always regret doing... I hit REPLY ALL and I said what I was thinking...
"Of course not (referring to whether reservations had been made) and only four people responded. I have a huge schedule this morning so let's not even worry about it."
Slightly passive, mostly aggressive much?
I ended up not getting done with my work until 12:30 and everyone took the hint and had been waiting on me for about an hour or so. I only spent about 20-25 minutes at my lunch (which I didn't want in the first place). One person bought my lunch. There was a card with nice things that were said (mostly about my sense of humor). I went back to the office and tied up loose ends. I packed up my sh*t and got the hell out of there.
I didn't even tell my boss goodbye. When I end things, I end things. I said I'd be back and wouldn't stay away, but that's a lie. I start over about every two to three years. New job. New friends. New body. New life.
I can't get to sleep tonight and have taken 45mg of melatonin and 1 sominex. I'm hoping it will knock me out. I'm very anxious about starting over. I don't know where to park. I don't know what time to leave. I need gas in my car. I'm still fat. I don't know what I'm doing.
I hate my personality. I hate being such a b*tch. I don't know when it started...I've been this way (at least partially) since I was a little girl.
Will I ever establish roots and stay in one place?
Saturday, September 25, 2010
out of the 180's
I hit 179 on Thursday 9/16/10. On Monday 9/20/10, I hit my lowest # in over three years...174! I've been stuck on 174 ever since and it's driving me crazy. I'm PMS'ing though and my face is broken out like I was 14 again. Not sure why...you would think cutting out all refined sugar would help...I'm also not eating that much dairy. Maybe it's purely hormonal, but I was hoping my diet would affect the acne. Either way, I'm truly proud of myself for getting out of the 180's.
I need to update more, but have to jump in the shower and start my Saturday. Time to by new clothes in a size 14-16. Down from a tight 18.
People are now commenting on my weight loss and it feels great.
Here's to the coming 160's!
I need to update more, but have to jump in the shower and start my Saturday. Time to by new clothes in a size 14-16. Down from a tight 18.
People are now commenting on my weight loss and it feels great.
Here's to the coming 160's!
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
can't touch this
Resisted another office luncheon today. Yes, we just had one LAST F*CKING WEEK, but apparently I'm the only person in my office who doesn't enjoy taking time after work to purchase unhealthy food that will feed an army to watch 12-15 glutenous, mannerless people gorge themselves.
I did say I would bring guacamole, but had a killer workout last night and didn't feel like going to the store...nor did I feel like waking up early to do it.
On my lunch hour, I bought ME (how selfish is that) 1 large avocado and a quart of strawberries to serve with the cake. I ate the avocado (should've only had 1/2 but ate the whole thing) with a tomato...I didn't even eat a strawberry.
My calories came in at 601 (1 lb over) and I went to the gym and did 1hr cardio even though I'd been on my feet ALL DAY LONG and got gym-ditched by my workout buddy.
My boss approached me today and told me I could move downtown now if I wanted too. Panic struck in. I had planned on losing 20lbs before I did that. Not that 172lbs is going to be that different than 192lbs, BUT it does make a difference clothing-wise. I was going to buy some new clothes in a size 14 before I moved. I think I will ask to stay through the end of the month. I'm not sure I'll be in 14's then, but a girl can dream.
I need to write about the table manners exibited by my co-workers one day. I've never been around a large group of people who collectively eat LITERALLY like pigs. I can't wait to get away from that.
Oh - and I weighed in at 180.8 this morning! Pah-leeze God let me hit 179 tomorrow!!!! Oh, to be out of the 180's.
I did say I would bring guacamole, but had a killer workout last night and didn't feel like going to the store...nor did I feel like waking up early to do it.
On my lunch hour, I bought ME (how selfish is that) 1 large avocado and a quart of strawberries to serve with the cake. I ate the avocado (should've only had 1/2 but ate the whole thing) with a tomato...I didn't even eat a strawberry.
My calories came in at 601 (1 lb over) and I went to the gym and did 1hr cardio even though I'd been on my feet ALL DAY LONG and got gym-ditched by my workout buddy.
My boss approached me today and told me I could move downtown now if I wanted too. Panic struck in. I had planned on losing 20lbs before I did that. Not that 172lbs is going to be that different than 192lbs, BUT it does make a difference clothing-wise. I was going to buy some new clothes in a size 14 before I moved. I think I will ask to stay through the end of the month. I'm not sure I'll be in 14's then, but a girl can dream.
I need to write about the table manners exibited by my co-workers one day. I've never been around a large group of people who collectively eat LITERALLY like pigs. I can't wait to get away from that.
Oh - and I weighed in at 180.8 this morning! Pah-leeze God let me hit 179 tomorrow!!!! Oh, to be out of the 180's.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
hunger schmunger
Last week's goals:
I completed four 1hr workouts (Tue, Wed, Fri, Sat)
I didn't make 180 by Monday...came in at 181.2 so I lost 4.6lbs instead of 5.0
I also didn't come in under 600 calories everyday last week:
Mon 9/6: 234
Tue 9/7: 359
Wed 9/8: 536
Thu 9/9: 648 *FAIL*
Fri 9/10: 787 *FAIL*
Sat 9/11: 559
I would give myself a B- for overall performance last week. Not too bad...worked out, restricted. You'd think I would've lost more than 4.6lbs??? I was hoping to lose 20lbs my first month. I'm still shooting for that and I think it's doable if my metabolism will cooperate. I need to remember to take the chromium picolinate in the afternoons with my 2nd dose of phentermine. If I don't make 20, I MUST lose at LEAST 15. That's absolutely doable.
I love the feeling of my stomach shrinking. I love putting on my "almost too tight fat pants" and feeling them being almost too loose to wear. That happened this morning. That feeling is addicting.
I saw a girl that works for a different agency yesterday who was morbidly obese (she was probably 250lbs+). She had lap-band surgery not too long ago and SHE LOOKS FREAKIN' AMAZING. Like a younger sister version of herself. That was really, really motivating. I'd love to run into people I went to school with who could barely recognize me. I want to make people's jaws drop. I want to turn heads. I use to do that. I miss that attention.
Next Week's Goals:
Calories under 600 (I've already gone over that Sunday & Monday, but made up for it today). Need to weigh in at 176 (that would be a 5lb loss this week). I just realized that to make 20lbs in 30 days, I would have to lose 11 lbs by 9/23/10. That's 10lbs in 11 days. At the rate I've been going, I'm not sure that's realistic, but maybe if I kick up the workouts. Workout 6 days.
I completed four 1hr workouts (Tue, Wed, Fri, Sat)
I didn't make 180 by Monday...came in at 181.2 so I lost 4.6lbs instead of 5.0
I also didn't come in under 600 calories everyday last week:
Mon 9/6: 234
Tue 9/7: 359
Wed 9/8: 536
Thu 9/9: 648 *FAIL*
Fri 9/10: 787 *FAIL*
Sat 9/11: 559
I would give myself a B- for overall performance last week. Not too bad...worked out, restricted. You'd think I would've lost more than 4.6lbs??? I was hoping to lose 20lbs my first month. I'm still shooting for that and I think it's doable if my metabolism will cooperate. I need to remember to take the chromium picolinate in the afternoons with my 2nd dose of phentermine. If I don't make 20, I MUST lose at LEAST 15. That's absolutely doable.
I love the feeling of my stomach shrinking. I love putting on my "almost too tight fat pants" and feeling them being almost too loose to wear. That happened this morning. That feeling is addicting.
I saw a girl that works for a different agency yesterday who was morbidly obese (she was probably 250lbs+). She had lap-band surgery not too long ago and SHE LOOKS FREAKIN' AMAZING. Like a younger sister version of herself. That was really, really motivating. I'd love to run into people I went to school with who could barely recognize me. I want to make people's jaws drop. I want to turn heads. I use to do that. I miss that attention.
Next Week's Goals:
Calories under 600 (I've already gone over that Sunday & Monday, but made up for it today). Need to weigh in at 176 (that would be a 5lb loss this week). I just realized that to make 20lbs in 30 days, I would have to lose 11 lbs by 9/23/10. That's 10lbs in 11 days. At the rate I've been going, I'm not sure that's realistic, but maybe if I kick up the workouts. Workout 6 days.
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